September 13, 2005
Making Roberts Talk
By JOHN TIERNEY
He came, he charmed, he shut up. During the opening statements, the senators blathered away their time and more; Judge John Roberts used less than half of his to utter a few graceful generalities. He has made a career out of not saying the wrong thing. Why start now?
A lawyer who has been cross-examined dozens of times by the Supreme Court will not be caught off guard by senators posing as legal scholars. There has never been a nominee better prepared to dodge constitutional questions.
The only hope for Democrats is to try the tactics used by interrogation pros like Israeli airport screeners and U.S. customs agents. These experts know that a smart criminal will have rehearsed a cover story for, say, what he was doing in London and why he's going to New York.
But if he's asked something unexpected - how he liked the London weather, whether he's planning to visit Times Square - he has to change mental gears. He's apt to exhibit telltale signs of a liar under stress, like gazing upward and to his right as he answers.
I'm not suggesting that Mr. Roberts is a liar, or that anything the Democrats ask today could stop him from being confirmed. But they might at least keep TV viewers awake by trying questions like these:
If Roe v. Wade were a tree, what kind of tree would it be?
Is there any chance that you could speed up Justice Stevens's retirement by addressing him as "Gramps"?
After seeing a judge's robes in a Gilbert and Sullivan production, Chief Justice Rehnquist added gold stripes to his robe. If confirmed, will you keep the stripes, or do you have a whole new look in mind?
In your best judgment, did Brad and Jen really just grow apart, or was it Angelina's fault?
From your analysis of constitutional history, would you classify James Madison as a dog person or a cat person?
Suppose you'd been in Solomon's place when he proposed cutting the baby in two. And suppose neither woman objected. Would you have cut the baby? Flipped a coin? Or opted for foster care?
You've said you're a devotee of P. G. Wodehouse. Of the current justices, who is most like Jeeves? Who's most like Bertie Wooster?
Would you consider instituting a casual Friday dress policy on the bench?
Would it be a violation of Lois Lane's so-called right to privacy if Superman used his X-ray vision to look through her clothes?
Would you think it's cool if a professional wrestler dubbed himself Chief Justice, or would you sue him for trademark infringement?
During the announcement of your nomination at the White House, your son distracted the president with an impromptu dance. When you got home that night, what happened to him?
Would Thomas Jefferson have preferred the Beatles or the Stones?
After Justice Souter's opinion in the Kelo case endorsed the use of eminent domain to seize peoples' homes for a higher "public use," a group proposed that the town of Weare in New Hampshire increase its tax revenue by taking Justice Souter's property there so that a developer could build a resort called the Lost Liberty Hotel. Would your family ever vacation there?
What goes on four legs in the morning, two legs at noon and three legs in the evening?
When you were a clerk at the Supreme Court, Chief Justice Warren Burger was disliked for his pretentiousness. What nickname did the clerks have for him? Burger King?
Does President Bush have a nickname for you yet?
When justices have birthday parties, should they invite all the other justices, or can they invite just the ones they like?
If Vice President Dick Cheney and Justice Scalia invited you duck hunting, would you go?
If Judge Judy isn't afraid of television cameras in her courtroom, why is the Supreme Court so chicken?
Ashley or Mary-Kate?
Your passion for correct grammar and syntax is well known, but you have yet to inform the American people of your position on the serial comma. In the phrase "life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness," should there be a comma after "liberty"?
How would you edit this sentence to make it grammatically correct?: "I swear I ain't never gonna overturn Roe v. Wade."
Why did you turn to the right and look upward?
E-mail: tierney@nytimes.com
Making Roberts Talk
By JOHN TIERNEY
He came, he charmed, he shut up. During the opening statements, the senators blathered away their time and more; Judge John Roberts used less than half of his to utter a few graceful generalities. He has made a career out of not saying the wrong thing. Why start now?
A lawyer who has been cross-examined dozens of times by the Supreme Court will not be caught off guard by senators posing as legal scholars. There has never been a nominee better prepared to dodge constitutional questions.
The only hope for Democrats is to try the tactics used by interrogation pros like Israeli airport screeners and U.S. customs agents. These experts know that a smart criminal will have rehearsed a cover story for, say, what he was doing in London and why he's going to New York.
But if he's asked something unexpected - how he liked the London weather, whether he's planning to visit Times Square - he has to change mental gears. He's apt to exhibit telltale signs of a liar under stress, like gazing upward and to his right as he answers.
I'm not suggesting that Mr. Roberts is a liar, or that anything the Democrats ask today could stop him from being confirmed. But they might at least keep TV viewers awake by trying questions like these:
If Roe v. Wade were a tree, what kind of tree would it be?
Is there any chance that you could speed up Justice Stevens's retirement by addressing him as "Gramps"?
After seeing a judge's robes in a Gilbert and Sullivan production, Chief Justice Rehnquist added gold stripes to his robe. If confirmed, will you keep the stripes, or do you have a whole new look in mind?
In your best judgment, did Brad and Jen really just grow apart, or was it Angelina's fault?
From your analysis of constitutional history, would you classify James Madison as a dog person or a cat person?
Suppose you'd been in Solomon's place when he proposed cutting the baby in two. And suppose neither woman objected. Would you have cut the baby? Flipped a coin? Or opted for foster care?
You've said you're a devotee of P. G. Wodehouse. Of the current justices, who is most like Jeeves? Who's most like Bertie Wooster?
Would you consider instituting a casual Friday dress policy on the bench?
Would it be a violation of Lois Lane's so-called right to privacy if Superman used his X-ray vision to look through her clothes?
Would you think it's cool if a professional wrestler dubbed himself Chief Justice, or would you sue him for trademark infringement?
During the announcement of your nomination at the White House, your son distracted the president with an impromptu dance. When you got home that night, what happened to him?
Would Thomas Jefferson have preferred the Beatles or the Stones?
After Justice Souter's opinion in the Kelo case endorsed the use of eminent domain to seize peoples' homes for a higher "public use," a group proposed that the town of Weare in New Hampshire increase its tax revenue by taking Justice Souter's property there so that a developer could build a resort called the Lost Liberty Hotel. Would your family ever vacation there?
What goes on four legs in the morning, two legs at noon and three legs in the evening?
When you were a clerk at the Supreme Court, Chief Justice Warren Burger was disliked for his pretentiousness. What nickname did the clerks have for him? Burger King?
Does President Bush have a nickname for you yet?
When justices have birthday parties, should they invite all the other justices, or can they invite just the ones they like?
If Vice President Dick Cheney and Justice Scalia invited you duck hunting, would you go?
If Judge Judy isn't afraid of television cameras in her courtroom, why is the Supreme Court so chicken?
Ashley or Mary-Kate?
Your passion for correct grammar and syntax is well known, but you have yet to inform the American people of your position on the serial comma. In the phrase "life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness," should there be a comma after "liberty"?
How would you edit this sentence to make it grammatically correct?: "I swear I ain't never gonna overturn Roe v. Wade."
Why did you turn to the right and look upward?
E-mail: tierney@nytimes.com
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